All Earthland's a Stage
by insanemonkeyboy
Summary: Acnologia sneezes just as Zeref and company are sending the dragon slayers through the eclipse gate. This results in the slayers being scattered across space time. The timeline is set right, but not before they've experienced life in another world. Lots of OOC goodness. OP dragon slayers. Different storyline. Possible Harem


I don't own Fairy Tail, etc. They all belong to Mashima. You know the drill.

I started this because I needed inspiration to get back into writing, and this is what it looked like. I'm gonna' try to get back into the rhythm of regular updating. So anyway, I'm back! Not that anyone missed me :P *dodges tomatoes*

* * *

"Alright, time for my grand entrance!"

Acnologia leapt out toward the sea, facing in the direction of Tenroujima. However, even assuming his dragon form, he didn't make it far before hitting an invisible barrier that he found himself unable to penetrate.

"You can't go in right now!" Zeref yelled at him. "Natsu, Wendy, and Gajeel are all on that island. They'll make mincemeat of you! At least wait until they leave with the rest of the current S-Class mages."

"But I wanna have some fun! It's been forever since I had a good fight!" Acnologia whined, reverting to his human form as he plopped on the ground.

"What is with you dragon slayers and fighting?" Zeref frowned. "Look, we have a plan, and you getting destroyed here at Tenroujima would totally ruin the plot."

"Agreed," the new voice belonged to Anna Heartfilia. "Any of them could handle you alone. With all three of them fighting you, we might not even be able to get you out in time."

"Fine," Acnologia said, still pouting. "If you insist, I'll wait…"

Now at this point in the story you probably have a lot of questions -

Acnologia: "Who said that?!"

It's me, the narrator.

"Who the hell made you the narrator?"

I did.

"Oh. Umm… Ok, I guess?"

Anyway, to answer those questions, we're going to have to go back. About 400 years….

 **~~~~~~400 Years Ago~~~~~~**

Acnologia, Irene, Zeref, Igneel, Grandeeney, Skiadrum, Weisslogia, Metalicana, Atlas Flame, and Anna Heartfilia sat in a rather giant circle. It was well past sunset, and the kids many of them took in as dragon slayers were all sound asleep. That made it the perfect time for some mature conversation and deep thinking.

"Man, this world has been boring ever since I gained my immortality," Zeref complained.

"Me too," Acnologia said. "At first it was fun sparring with the dragons, but then they all decided to fly off to the dragon planet and leave Earthland behind. Well, all except you guys," he indicated Igneel and the rest of the dragons sitting around the circle.

"Well, after we won the war, there wasn't anything to stick around for," Igneel said, rubbing his chin with his foreclaw. "And you're already aware that the rest of us will follow once we've finished raising these kids sufficiently."

"Yeah, but it's still really boring," Irene said. "We should do something to make things more interesting around here."

"I'm not really sure what you guys are talking about, since I'm not immortal," Anna piped in. "But if you want to make things interesting, why don't we make an epic, world-ending story for the world to enjoy? We can all be actors in it."

"Oh Kami save us. Trust the wannabe author to come up with a 'story' to make the world more interesting," Acnologia growled.

"Let's hear her out," Zeref said. "Sometimes even wannabe authors have good ideas."

"You guys are mean," Anna pouted. "I'm not gonna say it now."

"No, please share." Irene said. "I'm so bored I'm ready to listen to anything. Even a wannabe author's idea."

"Definitely not!" Anna said.

"Fine then, be that way," Zeref said. "So anyway, I thought it could be fun to start my own empire."

"That sounds like it could be fun for a while," Irene said. "Where would you start it though?"

"You know that continent across the ocean from Fiore where people are just starting to come out of their caves? I figured they need a ruler."

"That does sound intriguing," Acnologia said. "I've never tried starting an empire before. We could find all the strong magic users and fight them."

"Sometimes I think you'd be happy if we threw you in an arena and just made you fight continuously." Zeref gave Acnologia a look.

"I think we should act out an end of the world drama," Anna piped up.

"I knew she couldn't hold back," Irene commented.

"Yep, saw that coming," Zeref agreed.

"Seriously. It's pretty simple… We'll just rewrite history a little, send a few dragon slayers 400 years into the future…"

"Wait, how are we gonna' do that?" Acnologia asked.

"The Eclipse Gate!" Zeref exclaimed with a grin.

"Eclipse Gate?" Igneel glanced at him. "Is this some new magic?"

"It's just a little thing I made, but I didn't think I'd ever find a use for it. It kind of requires a celestial spirit mage with all 12 zodiac keys to open… And it has to be open in the point of time that you're sending from as well as the time you're sending too in order for it to work."

"Well then, we have that. So what's the rest. This could be mildly interesting…" Irene said.

"Umm… We have lots of fun. We get to become the villains," Anna said. "Instead of all the dragons leaving for the dragon planet, we'll say Acnologia went crazy with power and killed them all. Umm… We'll say Zeref was 'cursed' with immortality instead of gaining it through magic. By, umm… 'Ankhseram', we'll make him the god of life and death. Ummm…. The dragons who are training the new generation of dragon slayers are desperate to stop Acnologia, so they concoct this scheme to travel 400 years to a time with more concentrated ethernanos… Irene… Umm… You've been keeping your baby frozen in time with magic, so figure it out to where she'll be about the same age as the older dragon slayers and 'abandon' her somewhere you know she'll be taken care of… Then you can join Zeref in his new empire… Ummm… And I'll be the evil mastermind!"

"Hmm," Acnologia scratched his chin. "That doesn't sound half bad, except the part where you're the evil mastermind."

"I agree," said Zeref. "If anything, I should be the evil mastermind. We could even say I view Acnologia as a threat, so I'm trying to find a way to combat him…"

"But what about me?" Anna wailed.

"You can be the celestial spirit wizard that colluded with me on the gate plan. But you're there to help humanity defeat Acnologia. That's about the extent of your story."

"Meh," Anna pouted.

"We could agree to that," said Igneel rubbing his chin. "But how are we going to explain going off to the dragon planet once our slayers are trained?"

"Easy," said Anna. "We cast a little spell that messes with the dragon slayer's memories, and you all go into hiding. At the right time, the spell will activate, and you'll emerge from "inside" them to appear suddenly and fight Acnologia… Maybe one of you will 'die,' and then you'll all just 'fade away.'"

"The humans wouldn't accept that. Nobody's that stupid."

"They might in 400 years. At that time, they won't know anything about dragon slayer magic."

"Well then, the only thing that's left is to start," said Zeref with a grin. "I'll create a guild of Etherious to test their strength and see if they're ready to fight Acnologia. And of course I'll create my empire."

"Ooh," said Anna. "I've got another great idea. You could grant a girl who's about 12 or 13 immortality. And then have a kid with her, and kill her but pretend it's your curse. You know, to add more sad backstory and make your character more conflicted."

"Hell no! Do I look like a lolicon?!" Zeref yelled.

"Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you sometimes?" Acnologia said with a grimace.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that last part," said Irene. "But…" Her eyes turned red as she glared at Anna, "if you have any designs on making _my child_ part of some sick plot like that, I won't hesitate to cut you into a thousand pieces."

"Eep!" Anna hid behind one of the dragons.

"What about me?" Atlas Flame suddenly spoke up.

"Well, since you don't have any slayers to care for, there's really no reason to send you into the future… If you really want to be involved, just put a bit of your 'spirit' in a huge fire somewhere and let it burn till the dragon slayers discover it in the future. Then pretend history actually went the way we're writing it now."

"I guess I can accept that," Atlas said, somewhat reluctantly.

"Well, let's get started then," Zeref said.

 **~~~~~~Some Time Later~~~~~~**

"So this is the Eclipse Gate eh?" Acnologia said, staring at the huge, roughly circular object in front of them.

"Yep," Zeref said. "Now let's go. Push the dragon slayers through."

"Got it!" The dragons simultaneously began pushing their slayers through. Just as their bodies entered the gates, however…

ACHOO! Acnologia sneezed, and the resulting wave of chaos magic collided with the gate just as the bodies disappeared. A big, swirling black hole appeared in the middle of the gate, and Zeref frantically used his senses to search it out.

"You idiot!" He yelled. "You just totally fucked up the functionality. That sneeze just scattered them across random universes and/or planets. It could take years to find them and get them back on track to the other end!"

"Well, at least according to the space-time laws, they shouldn't age until they're set back in the correct timeline," Anna said scratching her chin.

"There's no 'at least' about it!" Zeref yelled. "Now get the fuck through the gate and find out if things are fixed when you get through. If not, tell the other side what happened and we'll get the celestial spirit world involved."

"Okay, okay. No need to be hasty," Anna said, heading through the gate.

 **~~~~~Fast Forward to x777~~~~~~**

Makarov Dreyar grinned as he walked through the forest on the way back from a council meeting. He was almost back to the guild that he loved. Of course, the council not so much. They were a bunch of stuffy, arrogant asshats. But the guild was his life!

"Oi, gramps…" A dull, emotionless child's voice suddenly sounded behind him. He turned to see a boy of about 10 standing there. The boy wore a black yukata with a blood red scabbard strapped to the waist. "Can you tell me where I am?"

"Near Magnolia," he replied kindly. "Close to the wizard guild Fairy Tail."

"Wizard guild? What's that?"

As he spoke, Makarov probed his magic power, but was unable to discover anything except that he had magic ability. He frowned slightly. That could only mean that the kid's magic was untrained.

"It's a place where wizards gather to take jobs and make money," he explained. "People send in requests, and the wizards do them."

"So I can make money if I join this guild?" The kid asked blandly.

"Well," Makarov scratched the back of his head. "You have to be able to use magic to a certain degree. If you want, I can help you pick a suitable magic."

"Will this work?" The kid's voice still didn't change tone, but in a single lightning-fast movement he drew his sword and slashed out. An enormous flame erupted from the slash, tearing down the forest for close to half a mile and traveling at least as high into the sky. "Oops. Maybe that was a little too much," he commented.

Makarov gaped, revising his initial evaluation. It wasn't that the kid was untrained. He was some kind of monster. That enormous magic power that could rival Gildarts was released nonchalantly.

"Umm… Eh… Yeah. That's more than enough…" He managed to piece the words together. "I'm sure the other kids at Fairy Tail would be happy to meet you!"

"Whatever gramps," the pink-haired kid dug around in his nose with a pinky before pulling out a booger and flicking it. "As long as I can make some dough, I ain't gonna' sweat it."

Despite his eagerness to have another powerhouse in his guild, Makarov couldn't help feeling a bit disappointed. Why did this kid give off the feel of a middle-aged man with an attitude instead of a rambunctious child? Would he be one of those lazy mages who only did enough to eke by and lived in the guild?

"NATSU-NII!" Just as Makarov realized he'd forgotten to ask the kid's name, a blue-haired streak collided with the boy, knocking him back several feet. "I've been looking for you for days!"

"Oi, Wendy." For the first time the kid's voice perked up a little. "I couldn't even catch your scent earlier."

"We were too far apart," the now-identified girl replied. "I wouldn't have been able to find you if not for that fire dragon's devastating slash."

"I guess it's a good thing I didn't hold back more then," Natsu replied blandly, digging in his nose again.

"Natsu! How many times do I have to tell you Gin-san is not a good role model for you?" Wendy yelled slapping at his hand.

"Oi. Sorry, Wendy." The kid replied, not looking the least bit sorry.

"Well anyway, at least we both ended up in the same place… Where are you headed anyway, Natsu-nii?"

"I was just going with this gramps to join a wizard guild," Natsu responded.

"Wizard Guild? What's that?" Wendy tilted her head to the side.

"That's where people who use magic can go to find work, apparently." Natsu replied.

"Can we actually make money there?" Wendy asked.

"That's what he says," Natsu said as he flicked another booger.

"Natsu-nii!" Wendy yelled,smacking his hand again.

"Oi, I almost forgot," Natsu said. "Gramps, does your guild have strawberry milk?"

"Strawberry milk?" Makarov sweat-dropped. "Umm, I'm sure we could get some."

"Sounds great." Natsu said. "By the way gramps, what's your name?"

"Makarov Dreyar," Makarov composed himself. "By the way, what kind of magic does your sister use?"

"Wendy? She uses sky dragon slayer magic. And she's really good with that umbrella."

"I got it from Kagura-chan," Wendy said with a slight smirk. "The Yato are awesome."

"Really, what good is an umbrella in a fight?" Makarov asked with a sigh.

"Sky Dragon's Umbrella Dance!" Moving so fast his eye couldn't even track her, Wendy began what could only be described as an excellent display of swordsmanship - with her umbrella. When she was finished, a raging tornado reaching over 200 meters into the sky had formed in front of her.

Makarov began to use his Titan magic, but cancelled it when the tornado disappeared as quickly as it started. Before he could say anything, Wendy held the umbrella out toward him.

"As for the umbrella, well, feel it." She said with a grin.

Makarov reached out to take the umbrella, grasping it, but as he pulled, it got yanked from his grasp.

"I said feel it," Wendy said, still sounding chipper. "Not take it. Try again, gramps."

Makarov reached out again, feeling the odd umbrella. Whatever it was made from seemed to be harder than the hardest steel, forming an impenetrable barrier. Could this really be considered an umbrella?

"Umm… Well, you guys definitely are qualified to join..." he said, wondering if these two mages would be good for the guild. If they were as rambunctious as the other kids…

Makarov opened his eyes several minutes later to find Natsu staring at him apathetically.

"What-what happened?" He asked shakily.

"Dunno gramps, you just said we could join the guild, and then passed out."

Makarov shuddered as the mental images of destruction ran through his mind again, but managed to hold onto his consciousness this time. "Well, let's get you to the guild then." He said a bit resignedly. Seemed like Fairy Tail really was becoming a home for the oddballs.

"Yay! We can meet some new friends!" Wendy cheered, as Natsu wordlessly followed after Makarov.

Well, at least with that personality, he wouldn't be as likely to brawl, right?

 **~~~~~~Fairy Tail Guild Hall, Some Time Later~~~~~~**

"So here we are. Welcome to Fairy Tail," Makarov said. "What color should your guild mark be, and where would you like it?"

"Red, and put it on my shoulder," Natsu said, baring his well toned shoulder. Makarov nodded and placed it where he asked.

"And what about you?" He asked Wendy.

"Umm, blue sounds good." Wendy said. "And, umm.. How about… Shoulder also?"

Makarov complied, and then turned to the rest of the guild. "Alright brats," he said. "Meet Natsu and Wendy. These two are members from this day forward. Treat them like nakama."

Natsu sighed as he headed out into the small group of children. He felt like he was back in the dojo again. Except most of these people looked boring.

"Oi, what's with the dress?" Natsu turned to see a boy with very dark blue hair staring at him. The next thing he noticed about the boy was that he didn't like him. And the third thing he noticed was his boxers, which were the only thing he had on.

"One. This isn't a dress, this is a yukata. Two. This is for stripping in front of Wendy." As he finished the second sentence Natsu delivered a simple punch that sent the boy flying into the air, creating a hole in the roof and launching high into the sky.

"Hmm, forgot to ask his name." Natsu said, looking at the hole in the ceiling. "Oh well, wasn't important anyway."

"You there," Natsu saw a chick with dark red hair, armor, and an eyepatch heading his way. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

"Punishing a stripper," he replied. "You got a problem with that?"

"Gray is a part of our guild, just like you are. There will be no fighting in the guild hall." The redhead answered. Before he could respond, her sword was unsheathed and in his face.

"You could hardly call that a fight," he said, dodging a thrust and picking a booger from his nose with his pinky. "I didn't even hit him that hard. Besides," he added as he blocked a side slash with his sheathed sword, "aren't you fighting in the guild?"

"I'm meting out punishment," the girl replied. Her volume was beginning to rise, and her cheeks were getting flushed with anger. "Now stand still and take your punishment!"

"Fuck no," he responded. "Why would I just let you hit me with that thing? I think you need to take a nap." With that he dodged another strike and tapped her on the head. A trickle of blood ran down from where he tapped her and her eyes - well, eye - rolled back as she fell to the ground instantly.

"Shit, I hope I didn't overdo it!" He quickly checked her pulse. Yep, she was fine. Just unconscious.

"Nice job." He looked up to see a girl with dark brown hair sitting by the bar. "I've wanted to see that for a long time."

"Which one?" Natsu asked with a bit of a smirk. "The stripper or the bossy girl?"

"Both actually," the brunette replied. "Name's Cana by the way."

"I'm Natsu," he replied. "Glad someone around here actually knows how to introduce themselves."

"Yeah, believe it or not Erza and Gray are both alright once you get to know them," Cana replied. "Definitely better than that stuck-up prick Laxus at least. You should give him a beating too."

"Sounds troublesome," Natsu replied waving his hand back and forth in denial. "I like to avoid fights except when someone picks one with me."

He thought he saw an odd glimmer in Cana's eyes before he turned toward the request board, but he ignored it. "So, is this where we pick up those jobs, or whatever?"

"Yeah," Cana said. "You can find pretty much anything there, so grab whatever you like."

Natsu looked over the board, then frowned. "These all look pretty boring," he said. "But I guess the pay is pretty good… Hmm.. Vulcan extermination quest… 10,000 Jewel per Vulcan…"

"10,000 Jewel isn't really that much," said Cana helpfully. "In fact, you'll need about 7 times that to rent a cheap apartment around here."

"Screw that, then." Natsu kept looking through the requests, frowning. "The best one here only pays out 150,000 Jewel… And it's north of Hargeon... Oi, Cana. Where's Hargeon located?"

"Oh, it's a couple hours away if you take the train… Wait, how do you not know that?"

"Well, Wendy and I are kind of new to this area…" Natsu rubbed the back of his head, his voice falling back into its dull monotone.

"New to this world, actually," Wendy said with a grin. She'd come up beside Natsu and was perusing the board with him.

"Eh?!" Natsu turned to see Cana nearly fall against the bar.

"Well, supposedly not entirely," Natsu said. "We were told we would be 'returned' to this world to set the 'timeline' right. We're still not quite sure what it means, but it might explain the magic."

"I don't follow you at all," Cana said, glancing at the mug in her hand.

"Eh, it's ok. No time to explain now. I only have vague memories of being raised by a dragon. Then suddenly I woke up in a strange world that looked nothing like the forest I was used to. Met Wendy and a bunch of other cool dudes and learned how to use a sword. Then one day a giant magic circle appeared around us and we were told we were being returned to our original world to set the timeline straight. So yeah. There it is."

"Ok… So you're crazy, I totally get it now. I'm… Gonna have a few more drinks!" Cana turned back to the bar and gulped down the contents of her mug.

"What about that job board?" Natsu pointed to the job board on the second floor.

"Only for S Class mages, crazy person."

Well, that wasn't very nice. Natsu frowned, looking around for someone else to talk to.

The girl on the floor chose that moment to wake up. Natsu turned, searching his memory banks for a name. Cana said something earlier… Started with E…

"Hey, Easy, what's an S class mage?"

"Did you just call me easy?" The red-haired girl glared at him.

"Uh, did I get it wrong?" Natsu rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. Then quickly dodged a fierce attack aimed for his neck.

"Where the fuck do you come off calling me easy? You don't know anything about me, you arrogant jerk!" Natsu continued to dodge, wondering what could possibly have enraged the redhead so much. Sure, he got her name wrong, but it wasn't like he'd never forgotten other people's names...

"Well don't get your panties all in a bunch," he frowned, dodging more furious strokes. "I just want to know what an S class mage is."

She responded by attacking even more furiously, to the point where he had to pull his sword out again to start blocking. "Geez, what a pain," he said before knocking her out again.

"Hey," this time he spoke to a shorter girl with blue hair sitting at a table with two boys. "What's your name."

"Levy, Levy McGarden. Sorry, but I don't remember your name."

"Natsu Dragneel." He said, reaching out to shake her hand. "Can you tell me the ginger's name? I got it wrong, and she seemed pretty upset by it."

"Her name's Erza, and she's one of the strongest in the guild. Definitely the strongest in our age group. Well, until now…" Levy responded.

"Erza... Erza… Got it." Natsu nodded. "Now, can you tell me what an S class mage is?"

"Sure, that's just someone who's passed the S Class trials and is therefore allowed to take on more difficult requests. Those requests bring in a lot more money, but of course they're also a lot more dangerous."

"Is Erza an S class mage?" Natsu asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, though she's a favorite to become one in the next few years. Right now it's just master and Gildarts."

"Got it," Natsu nodded. "So I just have to get gramps to make me an S class mage."

"Do you think you're strong enough? I mean, you beat Erza, but not even Laxus is an S class yet…"

"I haven't met this Laxus dude, but I'm pretty sure I'm stronger than anyone else our age. Even Wendy's stronger than everyone we've met so far. Maybe even gramps."

"Stronger than master?..." Levy's eyes widened a little, but she looked suspicious too.

"I don't really care if you believe me," Natsu said waving his hand. "I just want to do some S class quests and earn more money. Come on Wendy. We're gonna' talk to gramps."

With that he headed toward the guild master's room in the back where he saw Makarov go earlier, leaving Erza still unconscious on the floor.

* * *

So that's it for chapter 1. Just so you all know, (1) none of the dragon slayers age while they're in their alternate worlds/dimensions - because the chaotic time-space rift temporarily suspended all physical growth (i.e. convenient plot device invented by author because I say it is so).


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